Saturday, May 4, 2013

Investment Advice for Superheroes.


A recent posting on Slate sparked my interest about the relationship between Superpowers and the drive to do good, or bad.  You should read the article HERE, but it raises a number of interesting questions.  The study cited found that “do-gooder” powers like strength and flight tend to encourage altruistic behavior, and stealth powers such as invisibility and X-Ray vision tend to encourage sneakiness. I'm not sure what to think about stretchy heroes. 

But since it really is clear why VILLAINS use their powers for money or power, it made me think about how much our heroes sacrifice for the US of A, and the world.  So, I'm creating investment strategies for Super Heroes (and super villains, as I don't want to be discriminatory).  But buyer beware, because a man who drives this luxurious automobile should not be making his living giving investment advice.


Superman/ Clark Kent. 
Day job:  Newspaper reporter
Salary: 70,000 (if the Daily planet is a union shop).
Clark Kent actually makes a decent living, assuming that the Planet is a Union Shop.  With a good investment strategy, and careful budgeting, an early retirement should be no problem.  Additionally, he shouldn’t need to spend much on travel costs, so he should be able to enjoy many of the travel perks of a rich man, without the costs.

Tips:  Try to leverage your opportunities for travel into a successful blog.  Since I’m not sure where you’d tuck the camera, have tourists take their photos with you on their camera, and post to your media.  Then, monetize that stream!    You could quite possibly parlay your unique skills into a travel show.  Think Anthony Bourdain without the cigarettes or profanities.

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Spiderman / Peter Parker
Day  Job: Photographer, Bugle.
Salary: 30,000
First, Mr. Parker needs more income. He should abandon the Bugle, and their skinflint Publisher J. Jonah Jameson, and peddle his photos to more upscale media sites.

Tips:  Instead of making your money on Spiderman pictures, use your skills to capture some high value paparazzi photos, which can go for $50,000. 


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Aquaman: 
Day Job: Super Hero.
Salary, none.

Aquaman. You have no job, no money, and, no pockets.  How do you even make it to the Justice League?  Ride a turtle or something?  I’m not even sure what The Aquaman eats.  Do you lure fish over with your psychic fish talk powers and eat them?  Wouldn't that be breaking the great trust the innocent creatures of the sea have placed in you? Or do you just eat the “evil fish” (great white sharks,  squid, sea snakes?). If so, I ask, "who are you to judge Aquaman?"  
"Who are you to judge?"

Tips:  Aquaman, do you realize they have a sign on the bathroom at the Legion of Doom that says, “The Aquaman’s Lagoon?”  Enough said. 

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Not the Wolverine you meant?
Wolverine/ Logan.
Day Job: Lumberjack
Salary:  Freeloads off the X-men.
My research found that Logan’s father invested  $10 in the Bank of New York for him in 1900.  Unfortunately, Logan accidentally killed his father when he was 8, and lost his memory when shot in the head.  Logan is a rich man, but since he doesn’t remember either where he’s from or his real name,  it is unlikely he’ll find that safety deposit box.   Luckily, he can take the long view, as he may live forever...  

Tips: Go buy 1 share of BP stock, and put a dollar a day in a basic savings account.  In 80 years, your retirement is assured.
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Hulk:  David/Bruce Banner
Day Job: Fugitive
Note: It's difficult to monetize on the run.

Tips: Ask Tony Stark for some free lance science work for Stark Industries, in an environment with soothing music.  And good bandwidth -- no frustrating spinny wheel of death Dr.  And a well stocked courtesy buffet.  What ever makes you calm Mr. Banner, DR. Banner, of Course I mean Dr.

Have Tony Stark handle your investments.  I'm not saying I'm afraid to help. But.. Just saying.  One suggestion.  The government is relaxing their stance on internet gambling.  Perhaps, with your intellect, online poker might be the job for you.
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Lex Luthor: 
He innvented Collateralized Debt Obligations, Mortgage Backed Securities,  Hedge Funds, and brought Wall Wtreet to it’s knees, and profited immensely.
And Served as President of the United States

Don’t worry about Lex, He's doing fine. 

 



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BONUS CONTENT!

Let's have some more fun at Aquaman's expense, thanks to our good friends at Robot Chicken.

Still Stuck in adolescence, 
morrison-luke-smith-50 by mlsmith
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